Harry Potter and the Tachyonic Emission
by Anthony Peterson
Summary: Deanna Troi and Data find themselves obliviated and serving as Hogwarts new professors of Divination and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Unaware of their old lives, they try to make do, gradually discovering who they are and their old strengths.
1. Deanna's Prophecy

The search for a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was by now an annual ordeal for Headmaster Dumbledore, but when Divination Profess Trelawney went missing, he had twice the trouble.

But here were two applicants for these open positions, at his gargoyle step, so to speak.

"Lemon drop", he heard Professor McGonagall say.

One of the nick knacks the Headmaster' office had collected started spinning furiously. Unfortunately, he didn't know the purpose of most of them. He hid legitimate tools and devices amid random and worthless things, thereby making most of his visitors ignoring the glass case as just a bunch of junk.

"This is Data Soong," she said, pointing to the man with an oddly pale skin. What an odd name, Albus thought.

"And Deanna Troi," Minevra continued. Deanna was much less strange than her companion, that was for sure. But then, DADA professors were always strange these days.

"Sit," Dumbledore said.

Mr. Soong was definitely a foreigner. Ms. Troi he couldn't guess, but she didn't ring a bell, and most of the best of British wizards and witches, he was familiar with.

"A sweet perhaps," he continued.

Ms. Troi thanked him, and Mr. Soong demurred.

He couldn't afford to be that picky, three days before the start of term. He decided to start with Ms. Troi, as he could just as well do without Divination entirely at Hogwarts, if he had do. Someone still needed to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, no matter what.

"If you would give me a quick demonstration of your gifts in divination, Ms. Troi? I can have Professor McGonagall fetch any supplies you need from what Professor Trelawney left behind."

Without tea leaves, or any other divination equipment, Ms. Troi began her demonstration. Closing her eyes, she said, "This morning, you thought you might be coming down with a cold."

This was true.

"You're willing to take on Data without testing him because no one else wants the job. The position's been cursed."

This was more Mind Reading than any Divination. His occlumency barriers were as strong and unyielding as ever. He didn't often get surprised, but here, something was going on.

"Divination, Ms. Troi. True Sight of the Future is what we are looking for with this position, and I don't think there are any who could pass my test.

"How would you know that I am truly seeing the future then, without waiting to check?"

"I cannot wait. Term starts in three days, but I can know very well when a charlatan sits in front of me. Give me your best attempt at True Sight of the future, Deanna Troi."

Charlatan was certainly his presumption at this point, but he listened.

Ms. Troi said nothing, thinking up her divination. Finally she spoke, "Perhaps I do need some equipment."

Dumbledore guessed that Ms. Troi had noticed a sniffle in his noise, and had made a prudent deduction about Mr. Soong's prospects. No legilimancy to worry about. Even Voldemort couldn't read his mind.

Half an hour later, they had moved to the Divination classroom. McGonagall and Soong stood at the back, watching, as Dumbledore drank his tea, and then gave the empty cup for Ms. Troi to read its leaves.

"IN FARAWAY ALBANIA, QUIRINUS QUIRRELL WILL MEET TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE. QUIRRELL WILL SUCCUMB TO RIDDLE'S INFLUENCE. IN ADDITION, Q WILL INTRODUCE A FAMILIAR CUBIC ENEMY TO HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY."

The Impossible and the Insane, together. Divination, he muttered.

"I think it is important, Mr. Soong, that you be unaware of that particular name. Come, I have a pensieve where such dangerous knowledge can be deposited. And Professor McGonagall, would you help our new Professor of Divination to the hospital wing, as a precaution. Professor Trelawney needed a few days to recover after her episode."


	2. Memories

"Just pull out the memory of Professor Troi's prophecy with your wand," Dumbledore was saying.

Data didn't own a wand, robe or spell book. Deanna had convinced him to apply as well, while they were outside this crazy castle. But there was a break in his memories prior to that. Who was he?

"Perhaps you could assist me in that, Headmaster?" Data asked.

Dumbledore waited a few seconds, saying nothing.

"No one taught memory extractions when you were in school?" Dumbledore asked.

"No sir," Data replied.

The Headmaster leaned over his desk and tapped Data on the head with his wand.

A pool of strange liquid poured out of Data's head onto the table. Data thought the matter was settled, but Dumbledore reacted.

"You've been obliviated. Recently. You should have mentioned that."

"I don't remember anything prior to 5 hours ago. My wand is gone. It was either stolen or I forgot where I'd placed it. I must have come more well prepared. I think my robes were misplaced along with whatever else I brought to England. I am certain of one thing, I'm not from around here, and neither is Mrs. Troi."

"You remember nothing of your past? It would take an exceptionally strong memory charm to create such a strong effect."

"Professor McGonagall questioned me repeatedly while we were in the Divinations classroom. She asked where I was educated, what my philosophy on educating students about the Dark Arts was, and so on. I couldn't give her any answers.

"It's good to know that she's playing the bulldog while I take a lighter touch."

"I'm not sure what you mean sir," Data asked. Professor McGonagall had remained human during her interrogation.

"She was the bad cop to my good cop," Dumbledore said, making no more sense. "It's a simple truth, I am in desperate need of DADA professor. I surmise that whatever money you had intended to exchange at Gringotts was most likely stolen by your obliviator. I will owl the bank permission for you to borrow enough from the Academy's account to get yourself the basic supplies you need."

"Mrs. Troi will need supplies as well, sir. I believe she was hit with as strong an obliviate as I was."

"I will ask the Ministry to investigate. Madam Bones of the DMLE is a most skilled sleuth. She will find your attacker," Dumbledore said.

He stood up, "It would be best if our new DADA Professor got checked out by Madam Pomfrey. As the paintings how to get there if you get lost, Mr. Soong"

Data got lost immediately. He established that no coherent 2d or 3d map of Hogwarts hallways could be correct. Hogwarts was at most a graph-connected network of places that only appeared to be a reasonable Cartesian.

But he quickly disproved that as well, calculating that connections between parts of Hogwarts interiors couldn't even be represented by a graph.

It was 15 minutes well spent, as Data now had a decided interest in Hogwarts architecture, and he had arrived at the hospital wing.

"Headmaster Dumbledore asked me to come down here," Data said to Madam Pomfrey. "We were hoping to buy some supplies at Gringotts later."

"Gringotts is where you pick up the money, Mr. Soong. Diagon Alley is where you buy your supplies," Madam Pomfrey responded.

"Ms. Troi and I do not hail from these parts. And we were both likely obliviated this morning. So we are operating without much knowledge, as you can see."

"Just take a seat, and I will definitely take a look at you shortly."


	3. Double Troi

Deanna could **feel** Professor Mcgonagall's skepticism about Data. If not for the lack of alternative candidates, Mcgonagall would have thrown Data out of the academy.

Data trailed behind Deanna Troi and Minerva Mcgonagall, oblivious to the asst. headmaster's concern. Deanna couldn't read his thoughts; she hadn't been able to in the 2 days of memories she could draw on.

Mcgonagall had withdrawn funds in the form of golden discs from the Goblin bank Gringotts, and recorded the amount Data and her owed Hogwarts. It was a loan to help them get equipped, at least until their original possessions were found.

They entered Ollivander's, and the man himself stood behind a long counter. There were stacks of boxes everywhere along the walls.

"Professor Mcgonagall, Fir and dragon heartstring, nine and a half inches, I do believe," Ollivander said.

"Mr. Soong and Ms. Troi have been memory charmed and lost their wands. They are looking for a replacement, hopefully something not overly taxing on the budget," the Professor said.

"Of course. Ms. Troi, let me get a good look at you."

Deanna stepped up to the counter.

"Hmm", Ollivander muttered, and pulled a box from a drawer, removing the lid and pulling out a stick. It was oddly shaped, colorful, but otherwise to Deanna it seemed to just be a stick.

Ollivander handed it to her.

"Give it a wave."

She waved the stick like it was a baton and she was conducting a symphony. A concentrated sound, like that of a thousand trumpets blaring at once, erupted as she waved it

"No. Not that one. How about this," he said, handing her another.

A stack of boxes were tossed like matches when she waved again.

Another wand. It felt like a heat was radiating from this one. When she waved it, golden sparkles filled the air. It felt queer, for sure. Ollivander was happy at that, she noted.

"Made from Willow, with a core of unicorn hair. You'll find it quite flexible and bendy," Ollivander said.

"Thank you," she answered.

"Mr. Soong, let's find your wand."

There was a loud *bang* outside. Mcgonagall hurried outside to take a look.

Data walked up to the counter.

Someone telepathic was nearby. Deanna felt their mind's presence.

"Data can't be exposed," someone else telepathically told her. She didn't recognize the mind, though it felt familiar.

Minerva was worried and surprised, Deanna felt.

Data waved a wand. Literally nothing happened.

"Odd,"

Data and Mr. Ollivander were a fast pair, and as fast as the wandmaker could hand another wand to Data, he could wave it faster. The wind stirred from his forceful motions, but nothing else happened.

Minerva was scared, and then unconscious. The other mind, the one that had spoken to her, approached the door.

"You say you were obliviated recently, Mr. Soong,"

Closer.

"I apologize to be so crude, but none of the wands here respond to you. The only conclusion I can reach is that you have no magical gift. You didn't seem to have any trouble getting through the barriers that keep muggles out, and therefore you must be a squib. If you've forgotten who you were, it would make sense that you tried to act like the others."

The other telepath entered the shop with hostile intent. Deanna spun towards the door, only to see herself. The 2nd Troi had an intense look about her, and without a pause to say hello, pointed at Ollivander and whispered, "Stupefy."

The wand-maker fell against the counter, stunned.

"Mr. Ollivander will remember selling you an aspen wand with kelpie hair, Data. You won't have any success using it. I can't return your memories, the locals will be too suspicious. Data, Troi's connection with what the locals call 'Magic' is actually due to tremendous amounts of Tachyonic energy that is being emitted from somewhere within Hogwarts. Do what you can to investigate that while passing as their Defense Arts professor. And Deanna, study their 'Magic', practice it as much as you can. It will help us if you can pick up on the art."


End file.
